I am having a case of the guilty mom syndrome. You know…it is the moments where you begin to think through what you are not or cannot do as a mother and you go into instant sadness and guilt. That is me this evening for sure. Lucas is scheduled for his surgery tomorrow to get tubes put in his ear. I have been fine up until today when the nurse called to go over his pre-surgery instructions. As she walked me through the process of what will happen in the morning, I felt so sad and instantly guilty thinking what kind of mother signs her 8-month old son up for surgery. It hit me that he would be under anesthesia and have a period of recovery, etc. We went through this with Lauren three years ago, but she was 20 months old when she had hers done. Really, I was fine up until that call. Why am I so worried? Maybe it is because he is only 8 months? Maybe it is because he is my lil’ boy? Whatever it is, I feel bad.
The guilty syndrome reaches across to my daughter as well today. The teacher sent home a permission slip for their 2nd field trip. I did not make the 1st field trip and now there is another one I will have to miss! Again, I feel like a guilty mom. I have always gone on her field trips, school programs, etc. Now, I have a new job and it is 40 miles from her school. So, that does not make for a good recipe right now. Yes, I am guilty as charged.
I do not have these moments frequently, but today is just one of those days. Thankfully, tomorrow is a different day:)